Go Deeper Into the Crypt
I'm honestly kind of surprised you're still here. I'm impressed, even.
Image credit: "Nosferatu, 1922."
Vampire Powers. Vampowers?
What kinds of abilities do vampires have? What can we do? This is a rude thing to ask coming from a human, which is why I am volunteering it here. Read on if you dare...
Image credit: jellyclaws on Tumblr.
Vampires In The Human World
It is a human's world, after all. So where do the vampires live when they aren't a count or a king?
Image credit: William Henry Dethlef-Koerner.
Many vampires live removed from human society and while there are many reasons for this, there are three big ones.
- Many vampires don't want to be around humans for fear of hurting them. You know how My Chemical Romance said "Vampires Will Never Hurt You?" That is FALSE. Vampires WILL hurt you if they have to, don't know how to stop themselves, or if they just want to hurt you. Vampires are not always as cuddly as me (sarcasm). Many of us keep ourselves tucked away for your safety.
- Secondly, some vampires put everything they have into living the aesthetic. I mean, yeah. If you're not worried about how close you are to your favourite store or if you don't get lonely, then living in an ancient castle alone and isolated is pretty sweet. You know, if you can afford it. Most vampires cannot. But the ones who can enjoy the luxuries that such a large home provides. You never run out of space, you can keep collecting items as long as you live, and you rarely have to move to avoid suspicion. Castle-unliving is practical and cool.
- Finally, many vampires simply prefer to be separated from humans because really we are separate species. I mean, you've seen what some vampires look like. You have no clue what I look like yet, reader. I've been using Count Orlok's image a lot on this site but I'm not him. For all you know, I can't blend in either. I could look like Hershal, a human-bat hybrid, or Kasha for example. We also have very different lifestyles than humans do. You're awake making noise while we're trying to sleep. It isn't convenient.
Humans in the Vampire World
Image credit: Dracula (1931)
Are you familiar with familiars?
Visit this page to become moreso.
Vampire Hunters Part 2
Yeah, we're talking about those creeps again. Look, I know it sucks but hear me out. You need to know about them to know about vampires. Besides, I have to live with them so you do too. Now, say it with me: BOOOOO! HUNTERS! BOOOOOO!
Image Credit: Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1997)
Half-Vampires: a World of Their Own
Image credit: DND 5E
What is a half-vampire? Where do they come from?
If a vampire asks you, "What's your blood type?" they could be flirting with you, or they could be preying on you.
This is because different blood types taste different to vampires. Everyone has a preference, the same way humans all have a favourite food.
My favourite is A+ blood. If you have A+ blood and are looking to experience a vampire bite, call me. I promise, I'll only take a little.
Pinky swear.
I'm not flirting though. I'm 100% preying on you.
I don't flirt with my food.
Keep that in mind.
At least I'm up front about it.
What if There Were a Cure for Vampirism?
You might as well ask, "What if the world was made of pudding?"
IGNORE THE POPUP ADS on this page. They're all lying. I can't seem to get rid of them.
Image credit: Some scene kid.
What's So Special About A Vampire's Maker?
What even is a "maker?"
What does turning a human entail?
All these questions are answered here.
Image credit: 99 Gif Shop
Sorry for my radio silence.
I have been traveling. I will not say where; some hunters back home caught wind of me and I left to lie low.
I broke my temporary silence to bring this important message to you: After having lived through so many terrible historical events it is disheartening to see one unfolding before my eyes again. I'm sure you know which one I'm talking about. If you have the means to help financially, Esims For Gaza is a fantastic way to do so. If you don't, then call or email your local politicians and demand they call for a ceasefire.
Stay strong. We can all do something. This too shall pass.
Call/email your representatives.
Boycott the current BDS list.
We can all do something.
I'm still being followed by a hunter and I'm still abroad.
Image credit: brispaul
But I found a letter he wrote that reads like a page out of his fucking diary.
Check this shit out.
Life Update
Can I even call it that? Nevermind. This is quick anyway but I figured I should check in.
Hello All,
Quick check-in. I finally shook my hunter. We never squared off, we still have not met face to face, but he's off my trail. I know, unsatistfying. I'm sorry. Maybe I'll tell you the whole story soon but for now just be satistfied that I am out of danger. Arson and I are going to do a little more traveling just to be sure, and if all goes well this website should return to normal updates. I know you've missed the vampire facts. Rest assured, there are more on the way. No hunter can pry me away from my website for too long.
See you again soon.
I Lived, Bitches.
It seems I am out of the woods for the time being. My STALKER (hunter) has gone quiet and I have been home for a few days. I think it's time to return to our regularly scheduled programming.
Have you ever wondered why vampires feud with other creatures of the night?
Well wonder no longer.
What's that? You want to hear about my trip? Meh, another time.
Image credit: Yvonne Kerrigan
Alright alright alright fine.
You want to hear about my travels so badly? I can't be too specific about a lot of the details, you know. I could still be in danger. But I can humour you a little I guess.
Here you go. Check it out.
Image credit: ME.
Well shit.
Last June I shook my hunter without ever squaring off against him but he's back. I was about to go to sleep because it's fucking 10:00 AM and bright outside and I checked the guestbook one more time and there's a cryptic ass message from him.
All last year I endeavoured to be the bigger person. I played his game of cat and mouse initially so I didn't have to kill him. I let him fade off my radar but this year I don't have the funds or the time to run off to fucking Europe. Well guess what? I'm not going anywhere. He can come to me. You hear that, David? You can come to me. When I rip your throat out just remember I gave you every chance to walk away.
We Now Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming
I'm not letting my hunter get in the way of my website again. I've been thinking lately about all the new vampires who might be following my advice on here. I know I come across as a little jaded and a little mean, but honestly I do worry about the newbies out there with no one to turn to for help but the internet. I've written about vampire makers before but what about the new vampires they make? I compiled a small list here of tips for newly-made vamps. I hope this is helpful to at least one of you.
Yukon's Guide For Newbies
Image credit: themoodyfashionista.blogspot.com.au
There's a new Ghost album coming out and it looks like they've got a vampire vibe going on.
To put it mildly, I'm a fan. If you're a fan of hair metal I definately reccomend Ghost's latest works. Everything they've put out since 2021 should be right up your alley, and honestly if you like other kinds of metal I'd give their entire discography a shot. Anyhow, This morning at around 01:00 I heard their latest song and it blew my mind. I don't share my music with you often, but I figured maybe it was time for me to. I like music a lot. That is one thing that has remained constant for me over the centuries. Music, in all the ways it has changed and evolved, has remained at its core the same. In a lot of ways, so have I. Huh. Anyway, enjoy. And if you don't enjoy? Fuck off.
Image credit: Ghost
You Obviously Like to Listen to Me Complain.
I mean, I do it often enough and you're still here. So. Yeah. So if you like to hear me complain you must also be interested in my opinions then, correct? Well. If that is the case then do I have a treat for you? Boom. Movie reviews. I bet you weren't expecting that, huh? Well, buckle up and watch me tear your favourite vampire flick to shreds.
Image credit: Mark of the Vampire (1935) and Nosferatu (2024)
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