Where do vampires comes from?

When a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much-

Image credit: Fine Art America Image description: A pencil sketch of a vampire with wings kissing a victorian woman quite politely. End description.

That's not what I mean, dipshit. What is the origin of vampires?

I dunno, I just work here.

Sorry, I know that's a lame answer, but it's true.

No vampire knows the true origins of vampire-kind aside from perhaps the first vampire. But good luck getting ahold of them, or it.

Lots of vampires have claimed to the the orignal vampire over the centuries. They gather up a group of vampires who'll believe them, and then they try to expand that group. They never get very far, though.

The first guy who tried that was Aithan the Awful, I think, back in '78. 78 BC, that is. I knew the guy personally too. He was a Greek farmer before he was turned. See, that's how I know he's not the real original. I was turned before Aithan. Anyway, after the Roman Empire took over in Greece, Aithan got bored out of his tree and decided he'd create his own empire. It didn't work out, needless to say. It's a shame, can you imagine if Julius Ceaser had become a vampire? It would have been bad, but it would have been funny. But it wasn't meant to be. When Aithan's followers found out he was a phoney- don't look at me! I'm not a snitch! Anyway, when Aithan's followers found out he wasn't the orignal maker they got PISSED. They threw him down a well and waited for the sun to come out. Or so the story goes. Whether they waited for the sun to come out, or whether they just threw him down and walked away while a passerby named Yukon threw down a rope, we'll never know. What do you want from me? He's a good guy. Stupid, but a good guy. Last I saw him was in '79 -1979- working at a Canadian Tire.

I'd say working retail is worse than the well, but if he's happy I'm not gonna bother him.

As far as humans are concerned, vampires originated in literature as far back as Mesopotamia. Some speculated that we came from vampire bats, others thought we came straight from Hell.

Wherever it was, it wasn't from Aithan.

I can tell you the process for turning a human, though. It's pretty easy. First, the vampire drinks some of the human's blood. Then, the human drinks some of the vampire's blood. Some old-fashioned vampires will tell you this needs to be done under a blood moon, during a certain time of year, after a ritual of some kind, but that's not true. They're just pompous.